welcome to remblanc 1.1

i feel like it is necessary for me to take focus away from my website and to heal up, partly mentally, partly physically.

for quite some time i’d been trying to make myself more productive, set up systems just to be able to do more things more consistently. i finally more-or-less got myself a working idea for such system, and i am kind of proud of myself for actually doing things i want to do now. this past month i feel like i have done more things than i was able to just a month prior, and i should give myself all the credit for coming up with a system that finally works for me without serious hiccups. it is still being constantly iterated upon, and i will probably be sharing it for the productivity nerds out there sometime in the future.

my problem with having a well-oiled productivity system is that working is something i feel like i need to be doing less of. for the past few, idk, years i felt like a constant failure in terms of being able to do things. that put me in a constant mindset where i judged my self-worth by my output, by the work i do. and being able to do work better does not solve the core issue at hand.

to put it simply, i forgot how to rest. everything feels like work now. the time for work is work. the time outside work is the time not spent doing work. even resting in my mind needs to be a productive activity of some kind, while the rest i do have is not something i feel satisfied with. i feel like a drone doing it, and it doesn’t feel refreshing at all to me.

worst thing of all, trying to fix this state also feels like work. and that sucks. it really sucks.

i will still be doing some journaling for 280, as well as maintaining comms and peeping on retrospring along with my guestbook. anything serious is gonna be on hold, though, and i’m sorry for not even properly talking about what i am actually working on.

gtg bye for now.

i have a guestbook now. come sign off in my guestbook.

also, i gained a new presence. don’t bother much with it, though.

=> gemini://remblanc.cities.yesterweb.org

my ongoing fight for systematization of my productivity is going decently in the sense that i am actually committing to doing things i want to do, but, unfortunately, same cannot be quite said of things that i need to do. the way my daily work plan is set up is that it allocates the most time for the most important tasks, and more often than not what ends up happening is that i start off with things that i do enjoy doing, in all the shorter timeblocks, and then put off things reserved for the largest timeblocks until bedtime, when it’s too late for me to do anything. anything that doesn’t interest me enough to miss out on bedtime for anyway.

have a couple of disjointed thoughts

• can’t stop playing balatro ngl
• decided to swap statuses and posts for now bc while technically posts should be the site’s main attraction, they’ve been laying dormant for a while now.
• i have drafts for release notes for both remblanc 1.0 and remblanc 1.1. both are in limbo and one of them doesn’t even make sense to post anymore. lol
• i can’t stop updating this site on the technical level so there are lots of unannounced under-the-hood improvements that made it a much speedier experience. i am personally very proud of these optimizations (tbh it’s more a fascination that page transitions are now near-instant, at least on chromium) but i admittedly got carried away not just from writing things, but also to the extent from life stuff as well. oops!
• oh wow i am actually writing these the way i used to write these
• i realized i missed my therapist appointment today. oopsie whoopsie moment, but also due to certain contrivances i need to seek it out elsewhere anyway so i am pretty much on my own now.
• i need to take things slow again. i need a proper day off cos i feel like i’ve had all work and no fun. that feeling kinda sucks ngl